Merely being present does not automatically equate to leader presence. We can be physically present at events and with people, but still not demonstrate effective presence.
Think of the boss who is habitually glued to their phone, can’t engage in a conversation authentically, or won’t shut up and give space to others. Just recently, I was talking one-on-one with a leader in the organization I work in. While I was speaking, he pulls out his phone to check notifications. By the end of my comment, he was focused on his phone, typing an email, no longer paying attention to what I was saying. He didn’t respond, and we just sat there in awkward silence while he typed away on his phone. Minutes later, which to me felt like an eternity, he finally finished his message and looked back at me saying, “sorry, what were you saying?” At that point, I wasn’t even interested in continuing the conversation. It didn’t seem that important to him a minute ago; it’s not really important to me now either.
Leader presence is powerful, yes. But it is so much more than simply being present. Conversely, it also doesn’t require enticing charisma restricted to those super engaging personalities.
So, today, we explore the art of leader presence – what it is, why it matters, and digging deeper into what it looks like in small, manageable habits that we can put into action today.
Thanks for joining us today. Now, let’s get to it.
Hey friends. I’m Josh, and welcome to the 3x5 Leadership podcast, where we champion intentional leaders who create significant impacts. In this show, we share simple, practical strategies to help you live, lead, and learn more intentionally.
When we think about leaders creating significant impacts, I tend to categorize it into two ideas: what leaders do and then how we do it. The what includes the quote-unquote hard skills like casting and driving an organizational vision, achieving goals, implementing strategy, making decisions, establishing systems, assuming risk, and so on.
The how, however, are those skills often referred to as soft – how we work with people, connect with them, and treat them. It’s how we make people feel and nurturing an environment of inclusion. It’s empathy, vulnerability, psychological safety, humility, energy, and authenticity.
Famous leadership author, John Maxwell, claims that people buy into the leader before they buy into the vision. That means people commit to the soft how skills before the hard what skills. How we make others feel matters.
Building on that, in his book Stop Talking / Start Communicating, Geoff Tumlin gives us a pretty serious challenge, setting a high standard for leader presence. In it, he calls us to listen like every sentence matters, talk like every word counts, and act like every interaction is important. As leaders, we should strive to act like there is no place on earth we would rather be than here in this current moment with this person or these people.
Our presence is communication. We send messages in what we say, how we say it, what we don’t say. We signal through where we go, don’t go, and especially how we behave in those moments. And our presence matters because it enables us to engage our people better. It helps us build trust through meaningful connections with them. We become more approachable. And when more present, we are able to maintain a stronger, more accurate pulse on our team.
So, how can we be more present as leaders? What does it look like? Remember, it’s not about being more physically present. And more does not necessarily equal better. I mean, more isn’t likely feasible or sustainable. And again, it doesn’t require captivating charisma. Well, today’s episode explores 9 specific, manageable actions we can all start today, that help us leverage the art of leader presence better. To do what Tumlin calls us to - listen like every sentence matters, talk like every word counts, and act like every interaction is important. We will call these 9 habits of present leaders.
And the first one is to prioritize our communication platforms…do so in person when we can, call if we can’t, and email or text if we must. How we communicate matters. No quality relationship survives emails and texts only. Over these digital platforms alone, we don’t nurture connection, safety, or trust.
So, prioritize how we communicate as leaders – in-person as much as we can, when we can. Of course, in-person is not always feasible, though. Leaders are busy, we’ve got a lot of competing demands. So, when we can’t do that, we drop down to a phone call, or an email or text when we must. By erring to in-person communication as much as we can, though, it makes the times we have to do phone or email not as big of a deal. This approach to communication encourages us to remain engaged every opportunity possible to pour into our relationships through our communication.
Next time you have to issue guidance or discuss a topic, instead of automatically pressing the easy button by making the quick phone call, consider taking the time to step out of you office, walk down the building to their space, and talk in person. Or, if not time sensitive, consider holding onto the information until the next scheduled in-person gathering.
The second habit is to be thoughtful and intentional in our non-verbal communication signals. Use things like eye contact, body language, and facial affirmations to fully engage in conversation. When talking with people, maintain eye contact. Don’t wander around with our eyes, especially while the other person is talking. It signals that we are more interested in what’s going on around us than we are in the person and what they are saying. Use welcoming body language. Personally, I like to use eye contact, raised eyebrows, a tilted head, and regular head nods to emphasize my engagement and interest in the conversation.
So, as you consider how to use your body language to reinforce leader presence, recognize that key to this habit is consistency. These may be small gestures, but their impact magnifies through consistency. Employ these gestures in every engagement with anyone – boss, peer, direct report, junior employee, and grocery store bagger alike. It’s one of the most powerful ways to let people feel seen, heard, and valued.
Habit 3 is what I’ll call “people up, phone down.” It means that when people are up…in our presence, we put the phone down. Refer back to my story at the start of the episode, when the leader just dropped out of our conversation to begin managing emails on his phone. Not only was it rude and I felt disrespected, but it led me to feel like he was no longer interested in our conversation. That made me uninterested in it too.
If you’re around your people and you do have to conduct business on your phone, ensure you verbally excuse yourself from the situation. If in the middle of a conversation, wait until it is over or say something like, “hey, please excuse me for a minute. I’ve got to deal with something real quick, but I’d like to keep our conversation going.” But, by deliberately excusing yourself from the moment, it shows respect and care for the person and interest in the conversation.
Ok, four is about our time. As much as possible, be in control of it and be intentional in how we use it. While we argue that being physically present alone does not fully equate to leader presence, it is, however, an important start. Where we choose to spend our time…and not spend our time…matters. Showing up to an event sends signals, and it can mean the world to people sometimes. As leaders, we can’t be in all places, all the time. And the higher we go in the organization, I recognize the harder it is to be in control of our time – people are always going to ask for it.
But we must be clear about how we design our schedules. Does our use of time align to our established priorities and goals? How much time do we allocate to the urgent things that consistently pop up versus the enduringly important things? Do we spread our time across sub-groups, ensuring that people that seem to be on the seams or on the fringes get our attention too? And what messages can we send when we schedule things like deep work time, thinking or reflection time, mentorship meetings, and even family events on our calendar? So, use our time to communicate, connect, and be present.
Habit 5 directs how we manage engagements with people in our office or place of work, whether planned or not. How do we create a welcoming environment during a meeting, like a one-on-one with one of our direct reports? Or what about the often dreaded moment someone enters our office doorway asking if we have a minute to talk? These may not seem like big deals, but how we make people feel in these moments absolutely contributes to our perceived presence and care as a leader.
When meeting with someone, consider removing barriers between them and us. Doing so cultivates a closer connection, vulnerability, and helps us to show care for the discussion. Most important are things like screens. Move anything with a screen to the side so they are not between us and them. It eliminates the risk of distraction and allows us to focus on the conversation. It’s pretty frustrating trying to capture someone’s attention when they seem to remain glued to their computer monitor.
Next would be to consider obstacles like a desk or table. Consider moving those out of the way too.
So, if it’s a scheduled meeting, be thoughtful in how you set up the room prior to the meeting. For me, I like to move away from my desk and meet at a small table I have in my office. I like to have us sit at a table corner, and not across the table from one another, so there is no table obstacle between us. However, being at the table allows me to still have a spot to have a notepad, showing I’m prepared to take notes during the discussion.
Now, if someone stops by my office for an unscheduled interruption, I make an effort to stand up and move away from my desk so there are no barriers between us. If it appears to be a short engagement, I just keep it as a standing discussion. If expected to go longer, I invite them to join me at the table, identifying the chairs at the corner of the table where we will sit. In the end, just be mindful of the environment we are setting when engaging with people in our office or place of work. It can do a lot before we even say a word.
Habit 6 – talk less, ask more, …and listen more. To me, just as bad as leaders being glued to their phones in public settings, are leaders who don’t shut up. We may be physically present in a moment, but do we take up all the space by failing to close our mouth? Regardless of what we may be talking about, work-related topics or not, doing so gives off vibes that we are making things about us…instead of making it about others. When we shut up, we give space for others to fill. We make it about them. We create opportunities to learn from others, understand situations better, and give others space to fill. We benefit by gaining better insight and having a clear pulse on the situation and our team. Others benefit because they feel cared for, heard, seen, and valued. So, don’t underestimate the power that shutting up more, asking more questions, and listening more can have on our impact and presence as leaders.
And how can we do that? Well, first, I like to use the acronym – WAIT – Why am I talking? Am what I’m contributing in this moment value added? What is the purpose of me saying this? Do I need to say it? Does it need to come from me? And who is not talking or what are we not talking about by me being the one to take up the conversation space right now?
Second, consider aiming to ask twice as many questions as statements we make in a conversation. Can I ask one more question or listen a little bit longer before I start sharing? It doesn’t really matter what the conversation is about. It can be a casual discussion about the other person and getting to know them or hearing about their weekend. It can be about their work, about their feedback, or insight into situations. No matter the topic, people enjoy having other people interested in them. We all like to be heard. Can we use our questions and listening to be more interested in others, rather than focused on being more interesting to them? It’s a simple, yet important way that we can give space – especially leadership space – for others to fill.
So, we’ve talked about using our body language during conversation, how we set up our immediate environment to support quality conversations, and how we can work to talk less during those conversations. Our next habit – habit 7 – is actually a precursor to all that. It’s about how we can showcase approachability and energy to others as a leader. And it starts before you even say a word.
When we come into contact with someone – again no matter if it is scheduled or not – how can we show them that here, present and engaged with them, is the most important place for us to be? Beyond the habits already discussed, I like to make big, deliberate facial gestures to showcase that I am excited to talk with them. I make an effort to light up and smile when I first encounter people. I like to start with a simple statement that includes their name. Something like, “Alex, welcome! It’s so good to see you.” Together, these signal approachability, make people feel welcome, and puts them at ease – which can really set the tone for the conversation. It can make more transparent, authentic, and interesting conversation possible.
So, I encourage you to consciously make an effort to light up when you encounter people. These are not big, loud, or emotional gestures that require a ton of charisma or anything. A simple smile, raised voice tone, and personal welcome statement can go a long way.
And as we engage with people, habit 8 asks us to remember the information that people share. It might be personal information about their family, hobbies, birthday, or even professional goals. It might be about important upcoming dates for their family or for their work. It could even be noteworthy things about their work. But intentional, invested, and present leaders take note of these things when people share them. It’s a simple way to show others we care about them to know them. And to remember things about them. So, based on how you remember information, we need to record it so we can recall it in the future.
For me, I can’t remember things unless I write them down. It’s just how I learn. So, say I meet a newly hired employee to our team for the first time. As I get to know her, she shares a little about herself – her previous work experience, how she enjoys spending time outside of work, her educational background, and even a few goals she has for her work on our team. That’s all important information to recall for future discussions. I may jot a few notes down on paper while we talk, but how do I maintain that information and easily recall it in the future? My strategy is to enter that information into the notes section of their contact on my phone. It’s easy to create a bulleted listed there in the notes. And if I happen to need a refresher on that information before a meeting or an event I know I will see her at, I can easily pull it up and scan it from her contact listing on my phone.
Would I love to memorize that information and just know it? And should we aim to do that as leaders? Sure. But I’m also an imperfect human. So, strategies like this are not really cheating, but the tools and methods I use to be as intentional as I can with people. To be present with them when it matters.
Ok, now our ninth and final habit of present leaders is about our written communication, focused on how we add thoughtful care and personality to our messages. Here’s an example. Say you compile a detailed email report to your boss providing a thorough update to a project you’re leading for him. You gather a lot of data, scrutinize the structure of your email, make it as succinct as possible, and re-read it half a dozen times before you send it. And you hold your breath as you await a response. Then, later in the day, your boss responds. And all it says is, “thank you.” With a period at the end. Now, it might be a little touchy-feely millennial of me to say, but my immediate response is, “what? Do you hate me?”
So, how can we prevent that? Obviously, the boss who responded to the email is busy and was not thinking too much about his email response. I get it. And that’s fair. But also, what if we did put just a little more effort and care into our written correspondence? Even just a few added seconds to crafting our response can create a more thoughtful and personable message.
There are a few small things I like to do for this. First, if someone reaches out to me over email or text message, I like to include three things in my response. I use their name, I say that is it great to hear from them, and I add a personalized response to their message. So, say we are the boss that received that detailed email report. Personally, my response would be something like, “Josh, great update and thanks for sending it. I appreciate it.” Then, I would add a comment about something from their report, like highlighting an important achievement or asking a question about their progress. I could even add a comment like, “let me know if you need any support or if there is anything I can do to help.” A more robust response like this helps the other person who put so much work into their message feel like it mattered…which it did! And it took maybe 15 seconds to type.
Now, if someone reached out over text message, say to ask a question, I would apply the same model, but I would also add a comment like, “it’s great to hear from you.” Then, we can go on to respond to their request. But all this aims to achieve the same effect as our other habits, but just over written communication. Emails and messages can be just as daunting for people to send. It’s also hard to transmit emotion and tone over these platforms. It can help a lot by taking just a few more seconds to add another one to two sentences to our response, adding a clearer emotion and tone to the message. It will put them at ease, it will lead them to know it mattered, and help them feel like they are value added.
So, there are 9 habits to consider that will help us be more present leaders.
Intentional leaders are present leaders. But merely being physically present does not necessarily equate to leader presence. These habits are small actions we can take, which will send big signals through our consistency and authenticity in how we apply them. These will lead us to be more engaging, to build trust and connection with others, be seen as approachable, and to help us keep an accurate pulse on our team.
What is one habit that resonated most with you from this list that you feel compelled to start now? What about one that made you pause, thinking “oh shoot. Yeah, I’m pretty bad at that.” Or, what about one that would challenge you outside of your comfort zone? What are we going to do about these this week? I encourage you to start with just one thing first.
As we end, I just want to say thanks for joining us and for your continued support. I’m thrilled by the opportunity to be able to add value to your life and your leadership, even in just one small way.
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Thanks for joining us today! Thanks for your continued support. And thanks for choosing to lead intentionally wherever you serve. It matters.
And until next episode, friends, take care and lead well.
